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I had best start with a Warning. This is a game that has an 18+ label on the box and it means it. Both the subject matter and graphic art content are definitely X-rated.

Due to launch on Kickstarter at the end of this month, Envy… Size Matters is a game where players each start with the head of a penis and they proceed by playing positive cards to their own phallus to increase its length and negative cards to their opponents’ penises to decrease theirs. Cards are played both for their numerical values and for the actions they specify.

If you are easily shocked, you probably shouldn’t even have read this far. If you find the subject matter amusing or titillating, then this could well be the game for you. Envy is very much a game that is aimed at those who enjoy Cards Against Humanity, except there is actually more of a genuine game here. Because actions affect cards at specific positions on a shaft, players can play them strategically; for example, to counter a previously played negative card.

The subject matter and the graphic illustrations mean that this is not a game you’ll be breaking out when granny comes round at Christmas but it will cause much raucous hilarity at hen parties and the like. There are probably condom jokes to be had here but I hope the Kickstarter edition will come in a box large enough to accommodate sleeving the cards because this is a game that’s most likely to be played where there are drinks on the table. Don’t expect only to be playing with your own penis: this is a lively ‘take that’ game with a lot of interaction.

In the UK, we have a phenomena known as Ann Summers parties, where women gather at each other’s houses to sample and buy lingerie and sex toys, mimicking the Tupperware model. Envy is a game that will shock the Tupperware brigade but it will go down very well with Ann Summers customers.

I tested Envy with just such a group and can testify that they couldn’t get enough of the game. It was the cause of much loud ribald amusement, as well as some earnest argument and discussion of many of the ‘fun facts’ printed on most of the cards. Sadly, the ladies were as just reluctant to be shown in a 360 photo of them playing the game as they would had they instead been buying frilly knickers and vibrators, so you have to make do here with Lego substitutes…

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